I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
