my soul wont recognize me after tonight
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
