if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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