so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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