you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
