isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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