R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
