only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
