He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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