I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
