The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
