if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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