Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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