Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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