why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
