you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
