whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
