actually, I'm a sock model
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
