I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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