don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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