At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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