I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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