I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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