so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
