how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
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