and you said cock pushups were impossible
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
