Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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