i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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