I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
