just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
