I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Randomize
