I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
