I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
