Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
