btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
