Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
