Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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