you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
