do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
