Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
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