Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
What a fucking waste of an outfit
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
