i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
