there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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