I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
