Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
