It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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