Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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