You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
