I'm jealous of your bromance
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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