Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
